More than a decade.... life has come to a standstill... one after the other... things being taken away. Life was full back then. I had you and ginny - my pride my sunshine. Or it was just a perspective. I took you for granted and I took him too. Though both were mine and I did what could to give what I could. You both have long gone and have families of your own and kids too. I stand here watching this reel of life roll by. You never looked back and ginny too. I have empty hands and I stand here to take care of my old greedy father. I tried hard to look around.. could not find anyone. Anyone with your grace with our warmth with your love. The very things I didn't like in you I stated looking for the same. It is the curse. a curse that I am meant to spend life only chasing shadows... shadows of mum and shadows of you... ginny is ong dead for me. At least you and mum didn't drag me to lick the dust. Everyday I think of your shadow.. when I struggle to fall sleep... my head on your lap... and then mom's dupatta falling on my face.. She is up there somewhere in the sky or hell or heaven or just lost forever.... but I do miss her and you when in extreme pain... like today like yesterday like everyday.... Weren't you supposed to take care of me.... Why you left... both of you...People are not nice here.... Always up take advantage.. to touch my skin... my hair... they say nice words but I feel the lie beneath... I trusted not that I didnt.. number of times I forgot... but always ditched... and I came back o my safe heaven of your memories mum's memories... So many people die everyday... when will my turn come.. but I wont leave like mum.. I will wait and face the death... death for someone who never lived... how funny.. no tragic actually.. till then I have to hide... if I show I am weak I will be raped again... mentally physically and emotionally.. I miss you.. why did you leave me? I was not that bad.. I fought with everyone and everyone to marry you..
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